Hard Times in Happilyeverafter Read online

  “We’ll have to just hide our identities, but we do that anyway. I vote to go to Hawaii,” said Star.

  The vote was unanimous, and they were packing for their flight that night.

  In a small apartment far from the luxury of Star’s home, Dobson was talking to his wife. “This is our chance, Edna, we could be rich beyond our dreams. I watched the old bat look like thirty years old again right in front of my eyes. I tell you, I couldn’t believe what happened, but I pretended to not be at all that interested. All we have to do is get some warm clothing, fly over to Nepal, and find the Sherpas who took Honeydew to the gate. Then we figure out how we can redirect the water flow. What do you say, Edna?”

  “I’m too old to be climbing mountains and too righteous to be stealing things.”

  “Edna, I could get you some of the water as soon we get there, and you could be voluptuous again.”

  She was staring at her husband now, not realizing she could use the water to be young again herself. “I want to go,” she finally said. “I want to get the water before the old nagging bag gets it.”

  “Then it’s settled. I’ll get our tickets, and I’ll tell Star that we are leaving for vacation. She’ll need to get someone to care for her mother, so I need to tell her soon. One thing is for certain, we are not going to be kicked around anymore.”

  The professor was explaining how Beaker should connect the wiring at the coffee shop when he was accosted by Ginger Grinch standing just behind him.

  “I’m very happy you’re making us a window to the real world, Professor. I think I’m going to be drinking a lot of coffee. You know, Professor, the Grinch hasn’t mellowed one single bit since we’ve been married. Maybe this window will let him see how good we’ve got it and allow him to kick back some. I just feel I’m on edge every time something doesn’t work out just so for him.”

  “You must be newlyweds struggling to get to know each other, Ginger.”

  “Not really, Professor. We’ve been married for five hundred years, and I can’t think of one thing about his behavior that has improved in that much time.”

  “Wow, Ginger, that is a long time to have an attitude. You haven’t been seeing someone else, have you?”

  “Of course not, cheating is just not an option in Happilyeverafter.”

  “I’ll be sure to make you one of my test cases right after I get everything running, and hopefully it will enrich your life.”

  “What do you mean, Professor, about me being a test case?”

  “It just means I’m going to give you one of the first looks at the world outside this valley.”

  “Oh, Professor, you are so sweet. If I weren’t married, I’d be coming down to this square and flirting with you daily.”

  “You would have to stand in line, Ginger, because for some reason, I’ve got it.”

  “What do you mean, Professor? What do you have?”

  “I’ve got appeal, Ginger, and most women are spellbound by my looks and intelligence. I was born with charm, and there’s just not enough of me to go around. But come anyway, and I will give you the first look into the unusual world outside.”

  “I can see your charm, Professor, and I thank you for thinking of me. Tootles for now, sir,” said Ginger.

  Humpty Dumpty soon showed up and was not pleased with the window into the world. He was one of the board members who had vehemently voted against it. “This could crack some heads,” he called out in the square to passersby in front of the coffee shop. “Mark my words. This will bring trouble,” he sang out with his bellowing voice. “You, Professor, are an enemy of the people of this great land. How do you plea?”

  “Innocent,” came the soft voice of the professor. “Now be gone, Humpty, unless you have an order from the sheriff.”

  “I will get that order from Quick Draw McGraw, but it will come after this device has already done damage.”

  “Humpty, you’re afraid of progress. This monitor is just to make your citizens realize how good they really have it here.”

  “You will be held accountable, oh wizard of electronics.”

  “Humpty, quit being so dramatic. We have this under control.”

  “Citizens,” Humpty called out again, “this could be the ruination of our society.”

  Jack Sprat, who didn’t eat fat, and his wife, who had to eat lean, came by blowing raspberries at Humpty saying, “The trouble is all in your dreams.”

  “Humpty is right,” called out the Lorax. “Mark my words today. This thing will bring evil our way.”

  “Blow it out your ear, Lorax,” said Popeye the sailor man. “I yam what I yam, and that’s all what I yam; toot toot.”

  “This monitor is creating quite a stir, Beaker. We are right on this though, so keep your mind on your work and disregard the puppets, my true assistant.”

  “I’ll try my best, Professor, but some are giving me nasty looks, especially that rabbit eating carrots.”

  “Just keep your mind on your work my friend.”

  The ladies were in Hawaii and hired a real estate agent, named Simon, to show them prime beach land. They were astounded by the price but found no land that would allow a lab so close to the resort area. “I don’t know what we are going to do, girls. This is much harder than it once seemed,” said Star.

  “We bribe them,” said Giggles.

  “That might be the only way,” said Mona Lisa. “Let’s find a way to get this done, so we can get what the doctor ordered, my dears.”

  Simon piped in and said, “I know where there is some land you can build almost anything you want, as long as it’s easy on the environment.”

  “Well, let’s go take a look at it,” said Sister.

  “There is one problem, Star. It is up for action and the people at the Trump syndicate have designs on it.”

  “Could we maybe outbid them?”

  “Not if Trump really wants it,” said Simon. “But if he can take it or leave it, you might could get it for a fair price.”

  “What’s a fair price?”

  “Well, for all that beachfront, it should be about two hundred million. Can you afford that?”

  “That’s steep, but it’s still in our ballpark.”

  “How do you get paid, Simon, on that transaction?”

  “The seller will give me a percentage for bringing you to the auction. Now, make sure you consolidate your funds in one account, because the seller will make sure you have the money.”

  “Let’s go look at the property, Simon.”

  “When is the auction?”

  “Tomorrow. Can you get the money in one account by then?”

  “I’m sure we can do it,” said Star.

  “I’ll take you all to lunch, and then we’ll look at the property.”

  They had an exquisite lunch and were content and ready for their deal. They were all becoming elderly, and what good would money do them in their state? They only needed some backup funds for living. This point was emphasized over and over again by Star wanting this deal.

  When they got to the property, it was unbelievably beautiful. There was tropical landscaping everywhere with a brook that crossed the land. The brook swelled with seasonal rains and made the girls realize this was not an ordinary piece of property. The beach had dark sand but was not a surfing favorite because of its cove-like shape that protected it from heavy waves. The girls spotted fish in the greenish clear water.

  “I want to move here,” said Mona Lisa. “I think I could walk this beach every day.”

  “I’m not sure you’d be happy with that,” said Giggles.

  “Come on, girls, we have work to do to get what we want,” said Star.

  Simon took them back to their hotel and they got prepared to open a new account in Sister’s name, seeing she was putting up the biggest part of the money.

  “If I put in two hundred fifty million, how much can we muster?” asked Sister.

  “I’m thinking we can get a half billion,” said Star, “without hu
rting anyone.”

  “Let’s do it,” said Giggles. They worked late into the night with the banks opening on the East Coast of the mainland in the wee hours, Hawaii time. And before the sun rose in Hawaii, they had a half billion in a checking account in New York City.

  Dobson said to Edna, “Honey, just make sure you keep your feet under you on this high icy pass.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “Don’t stride way out or you might slip and fall. And if you fall, you could slide over the edge.”

  “Dobson, I’m too old for this; this climb is killing me.”

  “The guides are saying we are almost there. Just realize you will be young again in a couple of days and that should keep you going. I can’t wait to see you buxom and brash as you used to be.”

  “I can make it farther, but you’ve got to remember I didn’t see what the water can do. I’m just taking your word for it.”

  “But I am your loving husband who has always been honest with you.”

  Right then one of the guides came back to them and said, “Just around this corner we will be hailed by a sentry.”

  “What are we going to tell him?” asked Dobson.

  Edna got an angry look on her face and asked, “You didn’t figure on this, Dobson?”

  “I’ll think of something; don’t you worry, Edna.”

  They were close to the cave now when a voice did ring out and said, “Who goes there?”

  “We are travelers wanting shelter for the night,” said Dobson.

  “There is no shelter here for you,” said Pinocchio, “so be on your way,” as he stuck up his head to look into their eyes.

  “Is that you, Pinocchio?” asked Edna, who had loved seeing him in his movie and recognized him at once.

  “We have been blown off course by some tragic weather and need a place to rest, oh great actor. Please see it in your heart to help us. And, by the way, I would love to have your autograph and talk to you up close.”

  “I just can’t refuse a fan. Please, come into the cave and get out of the wind, and I will sign whatever you want.”

  Edna knew she had Pinocchio flimflammed and got close to him with her fake, adoring eyes. But her praise was not all fake, so it was easy to pour on the charm and embellish her compliments. Pinocchio felt he was a star, so he just concluded that he finally was getting some recognition.

  “Can we stay here ’til we warm up, even if it’s overnight?” Edna asked.

  “You must stay right here and go back out the way you came. If you can go by those simple rules, you can stay here for the night.”

  “Thank you so much, Pinocchio. You probably saved our lives. I hope we can help you one day.”

  “You have helped me, Edna. I was thinking I didn’t have any fans left. Now I know that no matter how far removed I am from the movie that made me famous, there are still fans out there.”

  Pinocchio soon announced that it was getting dark and his shift was over, but no one came to take his place. The two explorers started looking for a tunnel into the underground.

  They didn’t obey Pinocchio’s rules and found themselves skirting the edge of the mountains in search of an opening that went deep underground.

  The Professor and Beaker had their station set up and were almost ready with the lithium batteries charged by the solar generators.

  “We need to find the hotdog images, my good boy. We will start the whole works tonight, Beaker, and put the rest together while the valley sleeps. I have one concern though, my good assistant. You know the only meat the people have to eat here is fish, once a month. What will they make the hotdogs from if they do in fact go crazy for the tubular meat?”

  “Ah, they’ll figure it out, I’m sure,” said Beaker.

  Daylight broke and the two scientists had the satellite focused. Eureka! They got an image. It was a news channel in Germany. They changed frequencies and had a station from England.

  “Oh, this is good, my boy. We have the early British news coming on right as the village dwellers are coming to life in the morning. Give the shop the coffee, creamer, and sugar we brought, and we are sure to pack this mall. I’m looking now for images of hotdogs, and our little experiment will be set in motion. I’ll search with the computer and we can download the best ones to flick onto the screen. Oh, this is fun, my boy,” said the professor as he gave a sinister laugh in a sheepish voice.

  Rocky, or Rocket J. Squirrel, and Bullwinkle J. Moose were the first to make it down to the square.

  “Hi ya, Professor,” said Bullwinkle in his low goofy voice. “Are we going to have a show today?”

  “We sure are, and I’m just about ready to turn the monitor your way.”

  “Good! We’ll be the first to see the outside world as it exists today.”

  “Are you going to get some of the coffee we brought? It is the best we could find and probably the best money can buy.”

  “I would love to taste it, Professor, but my lips are too big and I might spill it all over myself.”

  “We’ll get you a bowl and you can lap it up as you please.”

  “Well, that would be awfully nice of you, Professor.”

  The professor turned the monitor so Bullwinkle could see the picture.

  Bullwinkle said, “Hey, it’s raining there. How come it’s sunny here?”

  “We are a long way from there, and the climate is quite different, my good moose.”

  “I guess that kind of explains it.”

  “Rocky, are you going to have some coffee?”

  “I don’t think so, Bullwinkle. It might spoil my breakfast. What is that on the screen, Professor?”

  “That is a cruise ship and people take a cruise to have fun.”

  “Wow, look at all the things you can do on the ship, and it says you will love the food.”

  “What is this? I can tell it’s not a cruise,” said Rocky.

  “That, my favorite squirrel, is a riot where people are unhappy and they want to take it out on the establishment.”

  “Do they get what they want?”

  “Not normally, but they enjoy doing damage and looting stores. It’s like a nasty party to have fun hurting the people they think are putting them down, when in fact they have not trained themselves to make money. No training will get you a poor lifestyle.”

  “I’m glad I’m not there,” said Bullwinkle. “I’d rather take the cruise.”

  “Hey, what is this?” asked Rocky.

  “That is a plane that crash landed.”

  “Nope, not for me,” said the squirrel.

  “Look at this fire. Where is this?”

  “It’s in California, which is in the United States.”

  “I know what this one is,” said Bullwinkle. “It’s a volcano and it’s blowing its top.”

  “Right you are, my moose.”

  “Look now, Professor, they got a man and they’re pulling him around. Why?”

  “He killed some people.”

  “Did he do that because he was mad for not getting training?” asked Bullwinkle.

  “That’s probably the best guess.”

  “Now, here we go, look at that nice new truck. I’m thinking that is what I want,” said the Frog Prince, who had arrived some minutes previously. “Look at that Chevy pull all that stuff. I want that; oh, it’s gone, and they are arresting another bad guy. He must be a killer too. Look at the corn chips they are eating and talking about. Can I get some through the monitor?”

  “No, Frog Prince.”

  “Well, why are they making me hungry for them?”

  “Because the makers want you to go out and buy some.”

  “But it’s too far to go.”

  “Yes, but millions are close enough to buy them. I know it’s too far, but you might be able make some.”

  “I’m going to talk with some of the weirdos around here and maybe we can make some,” said the Frog Prince.

  “Look, boss,” said Beaker, “now Hansel and Gretel
are getting some coffee. Are they old enough?”

  “They are much older than you, my friend. You just can’t tell around here. Who else is watching, Beaker?” asked the professor as he worked to tune the system.

  “Well, there’s Humpty Dumpty, and I already know he is a troublemaker. Now coming is Beauty and the Beast, except he’s quite handsome now. There is Rumpelstiltskin, the pain. If anything, he’s down here to cause trouble, but you know that.

  “Here is Rapunzel, and she is staying away from Rumpelstiltskin. She knows he’s trouble. There is the girl with the golden ball, and she set it on the table to get some coffee. The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe is drinking her coffee with slurping sounds. And now the fairies are flying into the square.

  “Let’s see, there is Tinker Bell leading the way and her friends, Lavender, and Pale Moon, who has a weak light. I see a large party of people coming now.”

  “Professor,” called out the Beast, “can you tell me what insurance means?”

  “Not now, Your Highness, but after I finish here, I’ll be glad to explain.”

  “I’m so happy to see someone else is doing something controversial,” said the Grinch with Ginger Grinch locked arm and arm with him.

  “What the heck is pizza, Professor?” asked the moose.

  “This is fun,” said the professor, picking up his head and looking out at the crowd.

  “This is blasphemy,” said Humpty Dumpty, sipping his coffee. “I know you don’t see what I see, but this could be the end of our existence. You will all be sorry; mark my words.”

  “How do like the broadcast so far, Delilah?” asked the Professor.

  “I can’t get used to all the things people in the world eat. The Three Little Pigs left when the people on there started talking about eating ribs.”

  Back in the cave, Dobson and Edna were glad they came prepared with mini-lanterns and much more, but they were both feeling the walls closing in on them. These walls were wet, as the springs above washed through cracks in the rocks and bathed down the sides of the cave.

  Edna tested the water by licking it in places, hoping it was the spring they were looking for. Edna knew she and Dobson would be young again and have the resources to go anywhere they wanted. The warm valley was far behind them, and the two prospectors were continuing to add layers to their freezing skin, hoping to keep warm.