Hard Times in Happilyeverafter Read online

  “Dobson, we want to have some drinks, so you’d better bring the good gin, some ice, and mixers,” said Star as she motioned for Giggles to come inside.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” said Dobson, as Giggles was scratching her head wondering where and how this young girl had been hidden from the media. Right as they closed the door, Star looked back and saw her other friends pulling into the driveway. The Italian singer was driving her red Mercedes SUV.

  Star and Giggles went poolside and sat at the big round table waiting for Dobson to get the drinks and show the rest of the company inside. Giggles had her eyes squinted as she studied the young girl’s expressions.

  “I want you to clear this up as soon as they walk into the room, okay missy?”

  “I plan on it,” said Star as Dobson brought the gin before answering the door.

  He put the tray on the table and said, “I’ll be back after I check the door, ma’am.”

  “Why does he keep calling you ma’am?” questioned, Giggles.

  Mona came into the room first, dressed to the T and sporting a blonde wig. “What is going on here?” she asked, looking at the tray with the gin, ice, and mixers.

  “I think we’re getting ready for a party,” said Star, chiming in and smiling at Mona Lisa, the Italian singer. Her name, like all the rest, was a nickname that these particular stars happened to like.

  “Who are you, and how come you have Star’s eyes?” asked Mona.

  Giggles cleared her throat and nodded to Star whose real name couldn’t be mentioned. Star was in the process of welcoming the rest of her guests and good friends to the table. There was the big-time actress who did some movies with Clint who went by Sister.

  Then there was the actress who had just finished playing a witch part and wasn’t too pleased with not having a glamorous role. Fashion was her nickname given to her by Star, who could see she really wanted to be everyone’s boss so it was secretively given to her in a sarcastic way. And she loved throwing that name out to the public, mainly to waitresses when they went out with her friends. Fashion did have a stare that added to her bossiness and could scare others into submission.

  And lastly there was Charming, a girl who did some work with Jack and seemed to float through life ginning.

  “I am Star, and I have been your friend for years, girls,” said the young girl.

  “There is no way you are Star unless researchers took stem cells and grew a new you and transferred your consciousness,” said Mona who was quick to comment on things.

  “I will prove it to you. Ask me a question only Star would know.”

  “I have one,” said Fashion. “You did something that made you a nervous wreck a few years ago. What was it and how did you solve your problem?”

  “I had a glass of wine at the restaurant that night and drove home. There was a homeless man sleeping on the street in dark clothes. I ran right over one of his legs and broke one badly. I can still hear his screams in my head. I went to the hospital and paid his bill that night and gave him a check for twenty thousand dollars. The police came to question me and said I was not at fault because he was wearing dark clothing, but it hurt me to hurt him so badly. Besides I didn’t want him to sue me.”

  “I don’t know how you knew the answer to my question, but you got it right,” said Fashion.

  “Okay,” said Mona, “what has gotten you in trouble from time to time in your life?”

  “I used to shoplift when I thought I could get away with it. This was mostly before I really became Star but not entirely.”

  “Right again,” said Mona.

  “Your mother might have told you all this,” said Sister.

  “Okay, you told me never to tell anyone this, but I have to ask in front of us all. Who were you in love with that nobody knows but me?” asked Charming.

  “Sidney Poitier.”

  “You were in love with Sidney Poitier?” asked Mona.

  “Yes, and have I answered all your questions?”

  “I have one,” said Giggles. “What did you tell me you were praying about so often these days?”

  “I’ve been praying about being so pompous, as it comes naturally.”

  “It’s her,” said Giggles. “There is no one who knows that, and I didn’t know most of the questions you asked her. She’s got to be Star.”

  They were all sitting around the table looking desperately at Star.

  “We want in on this,” said Mona. “We want to go back in time too.”

  “That is why I have gathered you here. I want us all to experience youthful bodies again. We can make it happen.”

  “Tell us about the process first, Star,” said Sister.

  “You’ve heard of Shangri-La surely, but it has been renamed Happilyeverafter. Back many years ago, the inhabitants of Shangri-La just walked away from the city without a trace. There was no catastrophe, so the reason has been hidden by time. Now, the puppets and strange creatures have taken over the town, and I believe it was the Brothers Grimm who started the migration.

  “There are some regular people there who you would know, like Cinderella, Snow White, and their royal husbands, to name just a few. Of course, Santa Claus is reported to be responsible for prodding the Brothers Grimm along, but that is not documented. He wanted to give the poor puppets and creatures a safe and comfortable place to live.”

  Star paused, took a drink, and continued. “The regular humanoid population was urged to help some of the puppets who they were fond of and many, like Rapunzel and the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, did more than their part. I’m told they have quite a melting pot of unusual characters there who are, for all practical purposes, immortal. And the reason for this continued youthfulness is a spring that comes from deep in the earth where it is washed against rare mineral and crystals that are as old as time.

  “I drank the water from the spring brought to me by one of the puppets, Professor Honeydew. My mother drank some first and got out of her wheelchair and sauntered to the bathroom. Everyone here knows that my mother hasn’t walked in years, so I’ll call Dobson to get her so you can say hello and see for yourself. My plan is to get enough water shipped here so we can all experience being young and beautiful again.”

  Star called to her butler. “Dobson.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he answered, coming through the archway minutes later.

  “I want you to go get my mother; my friends have a few questions for her.”

  “I can’t right now, ma’am. She is out walking the dog.”

  A hush went through the guests as the friends were shocked, having seen Star’s mother in a wheelchair for years.

  “How could this be?” exclaimed Sister, excited about the news, having been in pain for years from arthritis. “I must have a drink of this water.”

  “I’m going on with my story,” said Star. “The water, I am told, comes out in a trickle right in the middle of town. The water in the pool where it falls has some of the youthful properties, but right from the opening is where it is most potent. Honeydew has promised to bring some from the orifice, a word he used to show its purity. Anyway, he has promised to set up a distraction so he can fill a large container and bring it to us periodically.”

  “I know he’s not doing this for free,” said Fashion.

  “You are all rich ladies, so you can help with the fees,” said Star.

  “Honeydew wants—”

  Just then, Star’s mother walked into the room with the dog on a leash.

  “My, you look fit as a fiddle today, Mother Star,” said Charming.

  “I look good and I feel even better.”

  “I don’t care what Honeydew wants,” said Sister. “I’m in for as much as I have.”

  “Honeydew wants the price of a new lab on one of the nicest beaches in Hawaii. For some reason, he believes himself to be a lady’s man. I have checked into the project, and it will cost millions upon millions.”

  Honeydew was now on one of the high paths through the Himal
ayas with his assistant, Beaker. They had four burros that he purchased fully packed with scientific equipment and niceties like special coffee and creamers. His equipment consisted of these pieces, but was not limited to them: computer, tuner, satellite dish, lithium batteries, two solar generators, two monitors, wires, and connectors.

  The scientists were dressed for the bitter cold of the high altitude where the entrance to the cave and the secret valley existed. Two expert Sherpas accompanied them, one guiding the lead burro and one taking up the rear, making sure the animals continued to follow the leader and protecting the paying customers.

  The small party trudged through the snow on cliffs that were entirely unforgiving if they lost their concentration. When they thought they were close to expiring from exhaustion, a sharp voice rang out.

  “Who goes there?”

  “It is me, Pinocchio, Professor Honeydew. I’m coming back with the electrical equipment necessary for setting up your satellite station.”

  “Who authorized a satellite station?” demanded Pinocchio.

  “You know,” said the professor, “the community voted it in. I was contacted by Peter Pan and hired to make a station that would work a couple of hours a day. Its purpose is to show just how mixed up things are outside the natural walls of Happilyeverafter.”

  “Oh, yes, now I remember,” said Pinocchio. “There is so much going on here that I seem to forget what is what sometimes. You have all the gizmos you need then, Professor?”

  “I sure do, and we should have it up and running before the week is over. It’s going in the window of your coffee shop, you know, and you’ll be able to sit outside at one of the tables and see just how awfully mixed up things are in the world.”

  “I can’t wait,” said Pinocchio. “I’ll bring my girl down for a cup of coffee. And, Professor, will you please give us some narration if you are there?”

  “Pinocchio, it would be my pleasure.”

  “In that case, I’ll let you come right on in, Professor, but for the rest, you must turn and head back from where you came.”

  “But Pinocchio, I need my technician to help me set up the station.”

  “You know I’m a good kidder, right Professor?”

  “Oh, Pinocchio, you had me going there.”

  “Be careful, the Huntsman is cleaning the fish in the entrance of the cave for our monthly celebration. You know Red Riding Hood helps with the cooking along with the Big Bad Wolf.”

  “I will keep that all in mind, Pinocchio.”

  “And please, Professor, don’t get fresh with my girl. She is the best-looking thing in the park, and it goes to her head sometimes.”

  “You’re kidding me again, Pinocchio.”

  “No, Professor, she thinks she’s a goddess. I call her Lovenocchio, trying to bring the love back to me. You know like brainwashing or something.”

  “I will watch my Ps and Qs, Pinocchio, but you have to remember that women just can’t keep their eyes off me.”

  “Just watch your step then, Professor.”

  “I will be careful not to give her any hope of being with me,” said the professor, going through the mouth of the cave with Beaker ho-humming a tune right behind him.

  There was the Huntsman cleaning fish and storing them on the icy snow.

  “Professor,” he said in a deep tone, nodding his head and welcoming him.

  “Is there enough for Beaker and me to partake in the festivities this month?” asked the professor.

  “I will tell the Norse prince to bring a couple of extra fish for your sake, Professor,” said the Huntsman in his very deep voice, like he was talking through a barrel.

  “Is your wife, Red Riding Hood, coming?”

  “Of course, she does most of the cooking and you don’t want to miss it.”

  The professor and Beaker started down into the cave. After a healthy walk, they saw light at the end of the tunnel. They were close and knew they would have to walk through the pastures before getting to town. That was all well and good, but the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe had her kids watching the sheep and goats on the high slopes. They were good kids but were full of pranks, if the scientists stopped for a chat with their mother.

  So, the professor and his assistant hurried down the path pulling the burros along. They thought they were home free when a voice rang out to them.

  “Professor, I need a word with you.”

  The professor turned and did a double take as it was the Old Woman, who was quite young and lovely as it were.

  “Yes, how can I help you, my dear?”

  “Oh, you are the romantic one, Professor.”

  “Yes, dear, I know but how can I help you?”

  “I’m worried that my kids will see the TV screen and want to go out in the wicked world. Is there any way you can keep this from happening?”

  One of the boys had snuck under Beaker’s feet and was tying his shoestrings together as he stood behind the professor and old woman who were talking.

  The professor grabbed his chin and said, “Now, let me see.”

  “You want your kids to stay with you always. Is that correct?”

  “That is very correct, Professor.”

  “And you don’t want them to see the world outside this valley?”

  “Of course, Professor. They would end up victims in that nasty world. Do you want them to be hurt in some way?”

  “No, I don’t want anyone to suffer,” said the professor.

  “Well, do something to keep my kids away from that screen.”

  “Yes, I will; can I call you something other than Old Woman?”

  “Call me Delilah,” she said as she blew him a kiss while walking back into the meadow.

  “I just have the charm, Beaker. Can you tell?”

  Beaker moved and fell on his face with his shoes tied together. He squabbled undiscernible words and untied his shoes.

  “I feel we got off lucky, Beaker, so cheer up.”

  “@#$@#%^” he squabbled.

  “Oh, here comes Red Riding Hood, Beaker, it’s your lucky day, because I know how you adore her.”

  “Um,” said Beaker glancing down the path.

  “Red Riding Hood,” said the professor, “it is so nice to see you.”

  “Professor, how is the terminal getting along?”

  “I have all the equipment on our burros.”

  “Your burros are so cute. May I pet them?”

  “Sure, but then we must get down the path.”

  “I’m going to the cave to help prepare the fish for the monthly festival. My concern, Professor, is that you won’t have it done by then.”

  “The festival is in eight days. I’m thinking if all goes well we should surely have it done,” said the professor.

  “Great, Professor, I’m going to hold you to that seeing how we are setting up the festival by the coffee shop.”

  “You can hold me to it, Red Riding Hood. Do you go by anything else, my dear?”

  “You can call me Ruby.”

  “Great, I’ll see you soon, Ruby,” said the professor, hurrying down the steep path.

  “Professor, the Big Bad Wolf is helping me with the fish, and he is not far behind me. So be nice! He is quite grumpy this afternoon. Matter of fact, he is quite grumpy every afternoon, but he doesn’t mean anything by it,” said Ruby calling back.

  Sure, enough the wolf was soon coming up the path. “Stay out of my way. Stay out of my way,” repeated the wolf, making sure the professor heard him.

  “Now, see here, sir, don’t you know to be polite?” inquired the professor.

  “You know I’m waiting a whole month for something other than vegetables, and you don’t need to be preaching to me. If you would volunteer to be my next meal, I will coax you in a more agreeable manner.”

  “Would you really love to eat me?”

  “Na, you look a little too fatty for my taste. But hurry and get that monitor set up, Professor, so I can look at some animal shows, please,”
said the wolf in a painful way.

  “I’ll do my best, Mr. Wolf,” said the professor.

  The scientists were in a big meadow now that led to the city where most of the people lived. “Let’s call Star and see if she’s raising some money. What do you say, Beaker?”

  “Ya, ya, ya, ya. I’m ready for the beach.”

  Honeydew pressed the button on his satellite phone. “Hello, Star, this is Professor Honeydew. Are you receiving me?”

  “Professor, I’ve been waiting for you to call. Where is my water? I backslid to my rightful age again and with it came more pain, because I was used to being thirty again for two days. If you are going to supply me, then you will have to be more prompt. I can’t be old, young, old, young; do you understand? I’m beside myself here, Honeydew; help me.”

  “I’m sorry for your pain, but I haven’t figured the logistics out to this point. I’ll do my best to get the water to you consistently. You know you’re only going to need a teaspoon a day.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that, Honeydew?”

  “Well, it wouldn’t matter because it’s half-life is only a couple of days, meaning it will become less potent quickly.”

  “What am I to do, Honeydew?”

  “Just exercise, eat right, and get plenty of sleep, but mostly find out the price of the land in Hawaii and get your friends to raise the money.”

  “Professor, I almost wish you never came by the water.”

  “Don’t you worry, I will set up a way to keep you nice and young and, above all, glamorous. Goodbye until next time, my dear.”

  “My friends and I are just getting ready to have a meeting on this thing, so don’t drag your feet, Melon, I mean Honeydew.”

  She hung up and turned to her friends. “I still haven’t gotten any positive news. I’m hurting all over and getting uglier by the second.”

  “Giggles, do you think I look older than before I took the water?”

  “I really can’t say Star; ask me something else.”

  “Is my mother okay?”

  “I think so, I just checked on her and she was sleeping, but she’s been giving Dobson all types of orders. Why don’t we load up and go to Hawaii and make a vacation out of this? Dobson can take care of your mom and we can be back in a week.”