Hard Times in Happilyeverafter Read online

  The Grinch wasn’t as forgiving and demanded satisfaction, but first he demanded to look at the moving eye to determine how the professor made his beloved Ginger kiss that leprechaun. “I won’t rest until I know the truth,” said the Grinch in a sore way. “You will show me, Professor, or invite the wrath of the Grinch,” he said with a twisted face that made the professor’s knees shake in fear.

  “Well,” said the professor, trying to maintain his dignity, “we flashed pictures of different types to different citizens to see just how their thought patterns worked. It was purely scientific I assure you, and no one was harmed in our study.”

  “He has turned us into guinea pigs, my fellow citizens,” said the Grinch. “But he has directly wronged me @#$%$.”

  They took the professor to a cave where others had previously been arrested. They were all from the outside world and had been caught looking for the fountain of youth. There were a lot of famous male actors who were reported to have passed on to their great reward by the outside news, but somehow they happened to join forces to find the nurturing water. The citizens of Happilyeverafter just didn’t know what to do with them. They weren’t nasty enough to sled down the north slope, but if they let them go back to the outside, the word would get out to everyone and Happilyeverafter would be destroyed in a mad rush to get the water. They were sure something would come to them in time and they could be decisive but fairly dealt with, and so they were incarcerated for the time being.

  The professor thought he was being improperly treated but his voice was lost in the turmoil of the situation. Of course, Beaker was jailed for his part in the deceptions that had the valley gripped in anger. For once, they weren’t bored in Happilyeverafter, but it wasn’t a relaxing time for any of the inhabitants. Some thought maybe a little good would come of this situation.

  Chicken Little continued to call out, “The sky isn’t falling, but things are amiss here in our valley.”

  The Sherpa guides who showed the professor how to make it to the cave entrance were hired by the actresses to find the high mountain valley that held the small community. They climbed with tenacity hoping to get water from the fountain of youth to revitalize their aging bodies. They were exhausted when the lead Sherpa announced they only had a half mile to go, but it was steep and they would take their time to let the group of women inch their way up the path.

  Star was hopeful and called to the others to pick up their spirits as all of them were huffing and puffing with each step. Just before they got in sight of the cave entrance, they all needed a sit-down break to let their heart rates slow and start out again fresh. When they got in sight of the cave, no one was there to stop them from entering the city, as most of the citizens were deeply involved in the matters at hand that were causing all the dissension in the valley.

  The meeting continued to take on the complexion of a first-class trial, with many of the occupants wanting to speak against the professor with none on the side of the professor. At least that was how it looked, but many could be seen turning their faces while they snickered about the unfaithful mates.

  When the actresses made it to the end of the path, they were much relived but didn’t know how to proceed when they walked through the cave into a beautiful meadow.

  “There is only one thing to do, and that is to confront the citizens and make them an offer,” said Star. “The professor has blown his chance by not getting back with us after we went through the ordeal of buying the land he wanted.”

  “I say we give the people money enough to buy things that could make their lives even richer,” said Sister. “Who is with me?”

  “This is no time for sneaking around; we have come this far, so let’s confront them,” said Mona.

  The women assertively walked straight through the valley toward the many buildings in a cluster below them. They were sure the residents would opt for millions, and who knows, Amazon might deliver the things they desired.

  No one noticed the women at first as the citizens were having a heated discussion about something probably minute in nature. Star walked right up to Humpty who was still wanting to get the professor to slide down the north face.

  “He has polluted our minds with false images trying to see how he can manipulate us all. He has an end game that we don’t know, but if we wait around to discover it the sky could very well be falling,” said Humpty.

  Just as he finished his last statement, he turned to look Star in the face and gasped. The other citizens had already taken notice of the women and were also speechless. “Who in the world are you, madam?” asked Humpty.

  “We are famous actresses who want to buy water for a sum of ten million dollars for a continuing supply.”

  “Madam, how did you find out about the water?” asked the good egg in his lawyerly tone.

  “Well, that is a long story,” said Giggles coming to the front of the group.

  “Well, let’s hear it,” said Humpty, knowing the citizens had to nip this intrusion in the bud or Happilyeverafter would be overrun in days by people from the outside world.

  “I found out about it from the professor,” said Star.

  Humpty’s face turned red with anger, and he said, “Fellow citizens, we are in grave danger, and I need you to come up with an idea to save our little world.”

  “It’s eeeeasy,” said Porky Pig, “weee can just throoow them in jaaaaail.”

  Fashion turned and gasped, “What is that?” pointing at Porky.

  “That is a cartoon,” said Humpty.

  “Do you mean some of your citizens are cartoons?” asked Sister.

  “That is very true, and like the rest of us, they are nourished by the water from the fountain.”

  “Are they living?” asked Charming.

  “Maybe not exactly like you, but living indeed.”

  “How can they be alive when you can kind of see through them?” asked Mona.

  “Well, they are somewhat like ghosts, but they can talk and touch things and their spirits come alive with the help of the magic water,” said Oscar the Grouch.

  Humpty stood and said, “I want order here, for we are in grave danger. We need an idea on how to stop the outside world from overrunning our small valley.”

  “No, we can’t throw them in jail like Porky said; there are too many now,” said Cinderella. “This is what we need to do. My husband and I agree on this solution.”

  “Well, let’s have it,” said Humpty as the princess paused.

  “We destroy the cave and as much of the path as we can. No one could ever get outside, and no one could ever get inside,” said Cinderella.

  “That would work, and we would be saved as no more intrusions would take place,” said Humpty, liking the idea instantly.

  “I want to put this to a vote and get it done right this minute before you have a chance to be manipulated by the bleeding hearts and their sob stories,” said Humpty, standing and pointing at the many people and then at the actresses. “Our lives are at stake here; don’t mess this up.”

  “Raise your hand if you are in favor of destroying the path and cave entrance to our beautiful land. Remember, if this really gets out to the world, we are finished in a couple of days, if it takes that long.”

  Humpty had a strong argument and close to all hands went up.

  “Popeye, get your strongest friends to first demolish the path and then the cave,” said Humpty with a solid majority of votes.

  “When does you want that done and completed?” asked Popeye in his strange talk.

  “Now, Popeye. And get it done before the sun sets.”

  “But wait,” said Star. “What will happen to us?”

  “You will be free to do as you please here, as long as it is lawful,” said Humpty. “What I am saying is once we know your character we will initiate you into our citizenry.”

  “But we have families,” said Mona.

  “We can’t let you go, so you are looking at your new family,” said Cinderella.
/>   The stars were struck and dumbfounded; they suddenly didn’t know their futures. They would never act on the big stage again. “We won’t tell anybody, Humpty; you can trust us.”

  “What do you say to that, Cinderella?” asked Humpty.

  “They will adapt to our ways in time. The last thing we need is to let a bunch of big-mouthed actresses out in the world with a supply of our water. You are right; we might last a couple of days,” said Cinderella. “We can hold them right here until the cave is closed, then they can live in town as we do. I’m sure they will be able to add to our culture and they might be able to help us bring more excitement to our lives.”

  “That is what we should do,” said Humpty. “All who agree say aye.” There was an overwhelming number of ayes and Humpty said, “I’m proud of our citizens today, and I’m sure there will be a tomorrow for Happilyeverafter.”

  “Popeye, see to our future, my friend,” said Humpty, the mayor.

  Popeye was gone, and the stars sat at the coffee shop, wondering if there was a way out of this mess. But if they could escape, they couldn’t get a water supply and they all would be older and arthritic soon.

  “The thing to do would be to go with the flow,” said Star. “Be gracious, and maybe we will adapt sooner than we think.”

  The other actresses knew they were now citizens of Happilyeverafter with those words from Star.

  Popeye made it back before sunset with Shrek, Pluto, and Baby Huey. “No one will walk the path ever again,” said Popeye.

  The stars were shown a place to sleep much beneath their standards, but they all were allowed a drink of the water and felt a surge of well-being that helped their situation.

  No sooner had the path been closed than a large number of paparazzi came to the end of the trail a quarter mile from the cave. Their Sherpa guides informed them there was no way to the valley now with the path having been hit by a landslide.

  “You don’t know us,” said one of the leaders. “We’ll get a chopper in here or something.”

  The Sherpas led them back to their town with the paparazzi in a foul mood. They had spent big buck on this expedition and had nothing to show for it. They wanted to say “Got you” to the actresses.

  Unbeknownst to the populous of this little mountain valley, there was some serious goings-on underground.

  The Hatter had a can of lime green paint with him and said, “We are not backtracking, my boys.”

  “I want one of you nuts to swallow this paint and turn into a sprayer on wheels. We can drag you through the different rooms and touch up a little spot when we go to the next cave, kind of like Hansel and Gretel, but no one will eat the green paint except for the nut, of course. Now, let’s get with it for I am longing to see this magical stream.”

  Whistle Head tooted himself with happiness that his pop, the man with brains, was taking over.

  “Now, what I want you to do, Whatyoucallit Beast, is jump into every new room and give a fearsome call and scare the lindickities out of everything in the cave. Don’t hold back, and if anything comes at you, give them what for.”

  “My boy, you need to back up the Whatyoucallit, and the other nut should turn into a little tractor and pull the painting nut along. Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work we go,” sang the Hatter as they approached the first room.

  The Whatyoucallit was happy that he was needed and jumped into the first vault on this side of the catacombs and gave the most ferocious cry ever heard on this continent.

  The Hatter, for once, gave the biggest smile and laughed out loud looking at the rest of his company but that was short lived for the Whatyoucallit came bouncing right out looking to be a giant gorilla and asked, “What if there are so many and they’re biting me but they don’t care if I slap them?”

  “What are they, my friend?” asked the Hatter.

  “They are mosquitos, and I’m itching all over,” said the beast, scratching.

  “Turn yourself into a dragonfly. They love mosquitos and gobble them up, my friend. You’ll get the hang of this, I’m sure.

  The Whatyoucallit turned into a dragonfly and the Hatter said, “You might want to be a bigger and hungrier dragonfly, my friend.”

  He made himself the biggest dragonfly you could imagine and flew into the room. Soon he was out again and said, “All right, boss, the coast is clear. Thank you for the help, boss; I’m sure I can handle it from here.”

  They went through the cave and the paint nut put a green mark right where the Hatter wanted it.

  “Let’s go, my friends,” said the Hatter back to enjoying himself.

  They soon had to get on their knees and crawl along in the dark as the boss had the Whatyoucallit turn himself into a lightning bug so they could see the lay of the cave.

  “I’m crawling but it’s wonderful fun and we soon should be able to control our surface enemies,” chuckled the Hatter. He yelled, “Get small,” to the nuts, and they soon looked like remote control cars.

  “We sure are glad you’re with us, boss,” said Whistle Head.

  “There is no stopping us now,” called the Hatter.

  The Whatyoucallit turned himself into a weasel to scoot quickly along the floor.

  Things were going well, and they finally came to another vault with sobbing sounds coming to them at the entrance. The Whatyoucallit changed himself into a giant stegosaurus monster and dove into the room babbling. He could see the outline of a beast crying but wasn’t sure what to make of it.

  “What the heck is wrong with you?” demanded the stegosaurus monster with his eyes aglow while making his normal gurgling sounds.

  “I have lost my baby, and I’ve been looking and looking for three days.”

  “What kind of beast are you?”

  “I’m a dragonette and a powerful fire breather.”

  “Wait right here. I must talk to the boss and see what to do in a case like this.”

  The Whatyoucallit jumped back outside the vault and said, “Boss, I have a problem and I wonder if you can help me.”

  “Okay, my friend, as you are just learning.”

  “Well, there is a dragonette in the cave that has lost her baby and has been searching for three days. How should I handle this?”

  “Just tell her to follow us, my friend, and we will help her look.”

  “She said she has powerful fiery breath, so be careful, boss.”

  The stegosaurus monster jumped back into the vault with the dragonette still sobbing.

  “Pardon me,” said the Whatyoucallit Beast, “but the boss said you can come with us, and we will help you look.”

  “Oh, that is so nice of you. Are you coming through this vault?”

  “You got it, and we will soon be on our way deep into whatever.”

  The Whatyoucallit jumped outside the vault and said, “Okay, boss, it’s all clear to enter.”

  The group walked inside and the dragonette soon stood, showing her full self. She was about as big as a full-grown man, and she had a long tail and spikes on the end. Plates covered her body for protection, while green eyes searched behind the Whatyoucallit for the rest of the party.

  “I just don’t see how you can help me,” said the hurting mother.

  “Well, it’s like this, friend,” said the Hatter walking up to the dragonette. “Some of us can get very small and maybe your baby is in a place where you can’t enter.”

  “That is true, but I have called all through these caves.”

  “Maybe your baby ate a big meal of some kind and fell asleep in a place where you can’t go.”

  “Yes, that could happen. You are giving me hope, and I feel myself revitalized and ready to follow.”

  The party soon continued with Whistle Head getting small and searching the tight areas. They muddled along as the Whatyoucallit led the way thinking he was handling his new job to perfection. The Hatter was even more cheerful with his party growing in size as he sang different Looney Tunes along the way. They were soon going to enter another
big room with the Whatyoucallit trying to think out loud on his tactics.

  “I might become a giant wolverine,” said the beast finally, as he made the change and jumped into the new vault. But his guess was not very good, and he found himself swimming in an underground lake with fish snapping at his toes. This was a real puzzle to him, falling into this lake. Then he wondered how in the world they would get past this lake.

  I’d better consult the boss on this one, thought the wolverine as he got ready to jump back to ask the boss. The beast, all wet, soon confronted the boss and said, “Do you want to go through a lake, boss?”

  “Of course, my friend, we can get one of the nuts to be a boat and the other to be the motor.”

  “Boss, you got it all figured out. What would we do without you?”

  They soon stepped into the boat and Whistle Head commandeered the boat’s steering through tunnels as the Whatyoucallit Beast lit the way as a giant firefly. Soon they came to the end of the lake with the dragonette sniffing the air, recognizing a scent.

  “I smell my baby,” said the green-eyed monster. With that, the dragonette lifted out of the boat with her wings pushing her up. She turned to follow the scent and came to the edge of the lake. There on the bank slept the little dragonette all cuddled in a small pile with it wings covering it.

  His mother landed next to him and startled her baby awake. “I told you not to fly very far; you had me so worried.”

  “I turned a corner and got lost and was so tired and finally just lay down and took a nap. I’m sorry, Momma.”

  “Are you hungry, my boy?”

  “I am very hungry, Momma.”

  “We could eat these creatures with whom I traveled,” said the mom in a sly voice. “Look, here they come just setting the table for us.”

  The momma dragonette stood as the boat hit the shore and said. “We are awfully hungry, my boy. Do you mind if we eat you? ”

  “You will get no nourishment out of us,” said the boss. We are cartoons and old, storybook figures. On top of that, we are more likely to eat you, as we have a Whistle Head with us that can change his head into a hammer in seconds and strike with fury. If that doesn’t do the trick, we also have a Whatyoucallit Beast that could change into a dragon ten times your size and cook you very well. But if you realize just how outmatched you are, we will let you be on your way.”